4 lies single women believe about sex is what you do when you're in love

You’ve been taught to use sex as leverage to get what you want your entire life . Now you’re asking yourself, “What will sexual purity do for me?” You know the Bible verses, you know that God disapproves, but what you don’t know is: “Can I trust God to provide the love, intimacy, and wholeness that I’m desperately seeking in my sexual relationships? Sure the satisfaction is fickle and temporary, but at least it’s tangible.” Over the next four weeks, I’m going to unpack 4 lies single women believe about sex, along with truths that God has personally taught me in the heat of my own wrestling match with abstinence. Let’s begin.

Lie #1 | “Sex is what you do when you’re in love.”

I never intended to lose my virginity before marriage, but after experiencing what I thought was unmistakable proof that my boyfriend and I would be married we had sex. That’s what you do when you’re in love, right? Yes, I knew it was wrong. “But isn’t the sinful part of premarital sex the sleazy part? When it’s just a one-night stand or when you’re doing it with everyone under the sun?” This narrative helped me sleep at night, when reality started setting in.

Doesn’t God understand that we’re living in the twenty first century a time when sex is used to sell even hamburgers? How does He expect me to get married if I can’t fulfil the bare minimum cultural expectation of sex in my relationship? I hope that you never experience this truth firsthand, Sis, but sex is not an anchor to hold down a man.

Send me my Sexual Purity Action Plan

Who, What, When, Where, & How Sex

Sex is God’s gift to married couples and His tool to create life. When we try to use sex in ways it wasn’t created to function, we get burned. I sure did. Picture a depression so heavy that you’d do anything to make it stop. Maybe you’re living that, or maybe you’re getting ready to tip that scale now. I urge you from the deepest place in my heart: Stop. Get an understanding of how to enjoy God’s gift of intimacy while you still have the chance.

We experience the best sex when we embrace all of its functions and cultivate the context it was created for. Pleasure is not the end of sex. It’s one piece of God’s bigger picture in building the Church. Your body belongs to the Lord (1 Corinthians 16:13-20), and according to His pleasure He will join you with a spouse. Sex joins you both together as one flesh (Genesis 2:24), and the fruit of that union is the blessing of children. Ideally, these babies grow in the wisdom, love, and fear of the Lord and become the next generation of disciples of Jesus Christ.

Once we step out of God’s parameters for sex, can we really complain when we experience negative consequences that were never a part of God’s perfect plan, i.e., unplanned pregnancies, STDs, the pain of broken relationships, or when it fails to achieve our desired outcomes? No. I flunked sexual purity myself, and it’s only by God’s grace that I escaped with years of heartache alone. Others haven’t been so lucky. Using sex as an anchor to hold down a man or as leverage to obtain something you desire could result in unplanned parenthood, abortion, disease, depression, missed opportunities, and financial difficulty. Our past and even our present consequences can be totally redeemed by God, but,Sister, by no means allow yourself to be put in those positions.

sex is what you do when you're in love

The Best Sex

You can experience the best sex when you enjoy it according to God’s prescription. Though both my husband, Gerald, and I had previously failed at purity in our past relationships, as Christians we decided to pursue marriage (and consequently sex) God’s way. Now that my bed wasn’t a place to receive a temporary sense of worth, now that my covers didn’t blanket me in guilt and shame, and now that I didn’t have to fear that my other half would abandon me, I was finally able to experience love untainted, free, and unashamed with my husband. That love can’t be communicated through a sex scene in a movie, or by the lyrics in a raunchy song, or by anything else for that matter…except that is: the love between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:32) Despite how you may feel in this moment, you can experience this love too if you choose to trust God with your sexuality.

P.S. – If you liked today’s post. Be sure to check out lies 2, 3, & 4.

Send me my Sexual Purity Action Plan


Can you identify with my experience? How can an understanding of God’s love help us distinguish between the biblical definition of “love” & “passionate lust”? Continue the conversation by leaving a comment below.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

8 thoughts on “Sex is What You Do When You’re in Love

  1. I can identify with what you wrote. The twisted ideology we’re fed is dangerous. I think that Christians underestimate the reality of the walking outside of God’s will. He says we’ll be unhappy, but those seem like words until we’re living a life without joy. Then it becomes reaaal. Over the years, I’ve seen that understanding God’s character in deep ways helps me to accept the lifestyle he has designed for me. I don’t see purity as a restriction but as loving boundaries.

    Posted on April 22, 2017 at 3:14 pm
    1. Ooooooo! That is so good, Shana. I totally agree. Yes, one of the biggest reasons we fail morally is because we don’t fear God and understand His holiness. On top of that we tend to think God is just flexing on us, instead of understanding as you said He’s providing loving boundaries for us. You’re really good at writing. I can tell from your response. You must have a blog too, right? 🙂

      Posted on April 24, 2017 at 3:54 pm
      1. Lol My true identity has been revealed! 😉 Yes, I have a deep-rooted passion for writing. My blog is: http://theonesourceblog.com. I’d love for you to check it out! 🙂

        Posted on April 25, 2017 at 3:36 pm
        1. I will! I can tell you have a beautiful heart for God! Can’t wait to dive in!

          Posted on April 25, 2017 at 9:09 pm
  2. I’ve definitely experienced this firsthand. Many failed relationships and attempts to keep people that did not want to be kept. I had a 5 year relationship end when I decided that I could no longer disobey God and my body with premarital sex. His words, “I don’t think I can be with you without sex and I’m not going to marry you to get it.” That told me all that I needed to know and I left that right there. Since then it has been a struggle for me, but I’m thankful for reminders like this that keep me going.

    Posted on April 26, 2017 at 5:19 pm
    1. Man. I am so with you! I had a very similar experience. Thank you for bravely sharing your own experience and struggle. Yes, Sister, keep moving forward God is faithful. And who needs those guys who’re only interested in what our bodies can do for them anyways, right? So much better to know how it really is, before you invest so much of yourself into someone else. Praying for your strength (cause’ I know I definitely needed it.) God bless, Sis.

      Posted on May 1, 2017 at 8:50 pm
  3. Thank you for such insight, powerful and amazing lessons, they come handy for the girl’s ministry I am leading. So true!

    Posted on September 13, 2017 at 6:03 pm
    1. Thanks, Sylvia! Praise God. I’m so happy to hear that they an aid. Thanks for dropping a comment to let me know.

      Posted on September 13, 2017 at 8:39 pm